


Aftershocks

by thesometimeswarrior



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Canon Compliant, Ficlet, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Mentor Minerva McGonagall, Slight Dumbledore Bashing, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 04:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11305527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/thesometimeswarrior
Summary: He’s so much older now, but Minerva can still see the ghost of the schoolboy he was in Remus's face.McGonagall and Lupin, the morning after Sirius escapes and Pettigrew goes free.





	Aftershocks

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Five Times a Conversation Between Minerva McGonagall and Remus Lupin Ended in Thanks, and One Time It Didn't Have To](https://archiveofourown.org/works/958165) by [Realmer06](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Realmer06/pseuds/Realmer06). 



> This work, while original, is inspired by a hodgepodge of other things. Realmer03's wonderful piece of course, as well by this post: http://brothersblack.tumblr.com/post/127264628991/imagine-remus-lupin-after-the-events-of-prisoner and this one: http://thezohar.tumblr.com/post/115535480243/passific-rim-job-queersimonmonroe-in-the-2014
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

There is a sense of déjà vu, she thinks, as she sees him laid up in bed like this, the day after the full-moon, as she hands him tea, as he pretends to drink it to be polite, but scrunches his nose. (Minerva had learned, years ago, that he had no appetite after his transformations, but tea was how she best knew how to show affection without embarrassing him, to tell him _I’m here_ and _You’re not alone,_ and he had always seemed to appreciate the gesture.) For a moment, he is a boy again, and she is eighteen years younger—but only for a moment. Then, she sees the deep bags under his eyes, his face with far too many wrinkles for a man in his thirties, and the years, and everything that has occurred in them, return to her too.

“How are you, Remus?” she asks, softly.

“About as well as you might expect, Professor.”

“How many times have I told you this year to call me Minerva?”

It's supposed to be a gentle chide, but Remus--silent and weary--doesn't respond.

All things considered, Albus had decided that it would be best if Remus recovered privately, in his own quarters, rather than in the Hospital Wing, but Minerva saw no reason for that to mean that he needed to recover alone. And the privacy gave her leave to speak frankly, without the codes that they’d sometimes had to employ when he was a school-boy. “I expect that it has been a long time since you’ve transformed without Wolfsbane.”

“Yes, and I’m quite sore, but that’s not why I feel like shite, Professor, and I think you know that.”

“What occurred last night was not your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?”

“I told you when you were a student, Remus. You are not to blame for your conditio—”

“But this is different from the time Sirius was a bloody idiot and tried to use me to kill Severus! The Wolfsbane potion exists now! This time, I had control! I just didn’t take my damn potion…”

“You were—”

“Don’t try to justify it! It was reckless and inexcusable! Thank Merlin that Severus was there or I might have bitten Harry, Ron, or Hermione and then I’d never be able to forgive myself. _James_ never would have forgiven me! As it stands, Sirius…” And then he stops short, as if a lump has developed in his throat. 

“I taught you all—I was your _Head of House_ —for so many years. I should have known that Sirius Black would not have betrayed James and Lily.”

“I _did_ know. I didn’t have proof. I just _knew._ But I didn’t push, because I didn’t trust myself enough—I’ve never trusted myself enough! And I didn’t trust Sirius enough. I should have trusted him more…he’d have trusted me, if the situation were reversed. Anyway, Dumbledore told me to drop it. I didn’t tell anyone about them being animagi, because even after everything, I felt guilty about it. They did it for _me,_ after all…And because I didn’t push, Sirius spent twelve years in that Merlin-forsaken-place. And because of my stupidity last night, he _still_ isn’t free.”

“He’s out of Azkaban, we know the truth, and _Harry_ knows the truth.”

“I suppose that’s something,” sighs Remus, and Minerva knows that she needs to lighten the mood.

“I can’t believe that you didn’t tell your Transfiguration Professor that the three of them became animagi.”

Here, Remus almost gives something like a smile. “You never suspected?”

“No,” she admits. “Though this would explain why James forged my signature his second year to get to the Restricted Section—I never managed to coax out what book he wanted while he was in detention…And the month when the three of them took that vow of silence. Mandrake leaves. But animagi at fifteen! They might be the youngest in the history of British wizardry!”

“They started working at it right after they discovered I was a werewolf. Kept it up for years until they got it, and then I was never alone during those transformations again. They were good friends. Even Peter.”

“I know,” she sighs, placing a hand on his knee.

“I can’t stay here.” 

“I understand. After last night…”

“No, I mean I can’t work for Albus Dumbledore. Not now, not after he told me to let it go, and Sirius…I blame myself, of course, but I won’t pretend that it is entirely my own fault.”

“It might surprise you, but I understand. I don’t think Dumbledore is perfect either. But I think he is the best chance he has, when You-Know-Who returns.”

“He’s coming back?”

“Dumbledore believes so.”

“But he’s been wrong before, hasn’t he?” Remus sighs. “Listen, if it comes to it, I’ll fight for the Order. But for Harry. For James. For Lily. For everyone else we couldn’t save last time. Not for Dumbledore. And I can’t work for him.”

“I can't stop you from leaving.” Minerva pauses heavily. “But you will certainly be missed here, Remus.”

“Thank you, Professor.”

“I’ll let you rest.” McGonagall rises, walks toward the door, but stops in the threshold and turns back toward him. “And Remus. I’m still your Head of House. I will always be on your side.”

He’s so much older now, but Minerva can still see the ghost of the schoolboy he was in his face as he smiles wearily, as he bids her good day.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Please consider leaving a comment!


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